#IF I WASN'T WORKING THIS WEEKEND I COULD
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i've never had so much food ← women characters i like
#i'm picky when it comes to characters i like#like i most definitely have a type or two#[gesturing to whatever kafka arlecchino and rika have got going on]#but my god it's so nice to have VARIETY in the characters i like now#bc up until recently all my faves are always Dudes#which i guess inherently isn't a bad thing#but i want women characters that aren't just..... booba. or plot device. or plot hindrance. yknow!!!#god i want to draw all these ladies#IF I WASN'T WORKING THIS WEEKEND I COULD
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feelin kinda sad so eating an obscene amount of pasta
#YukiPri rambles#it's nothing serious#just have had a stream of unfortunate disappointments#nothing major and each time i'm like well ok that could have been worse and i'm glad it wasn't#but the cumulative result is just me kinda feeling droopy inside despite trying to continue lookin chipper outside#'wilted' i think is best descriptor for me rn#trying to tell myself that retail therapy isn't the answer here#In case folks are curious#the disappointments are:#1) dad was in a car accident and no one was hurt but gave me a huge scare#2) was given a day off at work in exchange for working a weekend and was looking forward to both#but they asked me last minute nevermind come in instead and i had to cancel all the plans i'd made and couldn't reschedule#3) movie i wanted to see on said day off is no longer playing in local theaters so it's either convince mum to drive an hour or give up#4) had an afternoon tea planned with mum and her friends and was looking forward to it for a month and only eating out this month#had reservations and outfit picked out and everything#but then a few days before landlord scheduled repairs for that day and wouldn't listen when we said we had plans#so i stayed home so mum could go and i'm glad she could go but sad#5) went to work this morning and there'd been a flood in the office from a customer leaving the bathroom sink running#and the torrent of water came down on my desk specifically ruining all of my books/personal stuff#i got reimbursed but it's just really sad bc some of those things were free/gifts that i can't get back and i hate throwing out books#especially ones i never got to read but they were completely drenched through and unsalvageable...#6) had an outing planned this weekend i was really looking forward to but we probably can't go bc weather is bad#i think there were a few others but that's most of the big ones#i am wilted and just want to curl up and not move
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I'm probably not the first to admit this but goddamn was I a narcissistic prick when I wasn't on stimulants
#adhd#not art#like this only thing I could think about was how understimulated I was#every person was boring because I was in such a severe and chronic state of dopamine deficiency#so I wasn't interested or curious about ANYONE and nobody could 'satiate me' and I deemed everyone boring because of it#then the first week on my meds & I went to visit my neighbor#& I was like 'omg your granddaughter came to visit this weekend? how was she? :)'#and then after I went home and I was like wow she's so sweet and her life seems so interesting I cant wait to talk more about it#and then it hit me I had known her for YEARS and it wasn't until now that I.. cared :(#made me feel really bad but also glad that I actually have the capacity to care and it wasn't just my personality#I had to do a lot of damage control :T but some bridges were burned and I gotta live with that#now I can proudly proclaim that no im not a narcissist bc I think people are interesting and I wanna hear them talk#i can just sit and listen and internalizing their perspective ..#for once I like people and I'm not a victim in some imaginary fight for mediocrity with everyone else#it never excited and im happy to feel that way#also whenever I speak with unmedicated adhders I just look at them like wow you don't even know how much your brain is making itself suffer#every adhder may not want to or can take meds and that's fine but everyone at least deserves to know what it feels when they work
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cold fruit in a hot kitchen (so i had this great watermelon last weekend)
#so I had this great watermelon last weekend. and the thing is it probably wasn't even that great of a watermelon#but I was four hours into an eight hour shift and we had thrown out all the watermelon salad because no one was eating it#and then our manager ran in and yelled that the client really fucking wanted watermelon salad.#so like six of us servers started frantically chopping watermelon. and the kitchen got really hot#in the way it does when everyone inside it is really stressed because there's no fucking watermelon salad#and after we chopped all the watermelon and the client got their fucking watermelon we all had a moment#where we looked at the remaining watermelon and we were so hot and cocktail hour was almost over anyway and the salads were all plated#and we all went for the watermelon and we ate it with the kind of rabid intensity you only get while eating cold watermelon in a hot kitche#and it was the best watermelon I have ever tasted and several days later i am still chasing the high of that fucking watermelon#and the thing is i know it isn't even the watermelon i'm actually missing#it's the feeling of cool liquid on hot skin and the feeling of a crisis averted and the feeling of camaraderie#that comes with devouring a watermelon in a hot kitchen with six other people who you have nothing in common with except that watermelon.#i don't dream of labor but i am dreaming now of being 4 hours into an eight hour shift eating watermelon in a hot kitchen.#i dream of laughing around the cold fruit in my mouth. I crave that watermelon like i'll die without it.#< honest to god this is real and that watermelon left such an impact on me that i had to draw it and write this. having a normal one#maybe this is insane but working in a team of people you truly like to do something you actually enjoy is so underrated#if only they fucking paid me i could work as a server for the rest of my life. unironically#skribbles
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rook be upon ye
#so. this is suri. my meerkat veiljumper#dragon age the veilguard#rook#look ive had A WEEK (positive)#first i got swept away to a llama ranch (!!!!) for a halloween weekend#it was. so so great#got to eat freshly hunted deer meat? a first. i wasn't a fan lmao#and then on sunday my brother came by with his sons gaming laptop with a copy of veilguard installed on it so I could play offline 😭 y'all.#my heart 🥹#today im going to light candles at the graveyard so thats. emotionally charged#but i cannot tell you how extatic i am to get to play da to unwind at night. fucking sobbing.#next week fiber guys are comins and i get real internet and then a desk with outlets and then a pc and then i can work on ouro again AUUUGH#fitting the final piece of a puzzle feeling.exe#im updating you patreons more tomorrow too. heuehshaushdhdjdidudmz i feel so good. so hopeful#this halloween has been so great. and look at suri! love of my life. i don't even care that veilguard has been. yk. /like that/.#when i tell you the SOUNDS that came out of me when solas talks. being mr. sarcasm#varrics take on his character. AUGHH#bliss.#obviously it wasn't sunday my brother came LMAO. i can't remember the day but when da released 💀 BYE
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#there's no way i could ever have another pet bc this has destroyed me in unimaginable ways#despite him being old and his health declining the past three or so years#we did everything we could to keep him around and healthy but his little body just couldn't do it anymore#i love him so much i hope he wasn't in pain#i regret not saying goodbye when my mom told me to before he went to the hospital friday but i was in denial#we held out all weekend to see if the treatment would work but he was just so weak my dad gave them the go-ahead to stop it today#idk if they've put him to sleep yet but we're assuming so since my dad is gonna go pick up his collar tomorrow#i cried so much last night because i just had a feeling today would be it#and then i woke up this morning and already had tears in my eyes#this is gonna be. another long grieving process and i'm already so tired from losing my sister last year#when does it fucking end lol like when do i get to the other side#i'm just exhausted. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted#he's such a big extension of me like who tf am i without my dog i'm nothing he's all i had
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*wheeze* slowly, but surely, working on art of them all
#bg3#myart#wip#I want to make every tav/companion pairing I have a dedicated. fancy piece.#these started with a concept for a wyll drawing that was very...storybook! inspired.#I would have been done all the linework for these two pieces by now had my weekend gone better :/#I was violently unwell for...about a week and a half? chronic illness bullshit. had started to feel better friday of last week...#...unfortunately fate had it that the weekend ended up being particularly stressful. so the pain returned anew.#it was. somewhat better today. but still not enough for me to really be productive in my free time :(#I will try to complete the linework tomorrow if all goes well. I really would like to start colouring them!#I have delightful colour schemes chosen...#gale/illamin piece has already been sketched in a notebook. once I finish these two- I will begin lining theirs!#illamin's connects to cadence's because they're intertwined like that. but I have yet to finish planning out cadence's piece.#I've gone back and forth on who I should romance with him...the thing with any of the companions is that they are all written to be-#-immensely compatible with each other. so writing a tav FOR a specific companion is a bit hard. often the tav could fit with any of them.#hell. I'm STILL working out details of jantar and corydalis' story & characters. because I can't be normal about this.#that aside- I DO have other. finished pieces...finally.#well. I had some long before... but I didn't want to post them because I wasn't happy with them.#so I went and finished new stuff that I DO like.#4. technically 5 drawings. all horror/horror adjacent in theme.#my extremely detailed hux painting is also NEARLY done. after months upon months of work.#and I continue to slowly chip away at the big scifi themed dbd piece I've had in progress.#I really never run out of things to draw and it's a bit torturous because I never have the time or energy to draw everything...
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it's ALISON!
#em makes stuff#the flight of the heron#alison grant#ewen cameron#adventures of tiny keith and ewen#and alison too!!!#I actually made her in december and january but it took me until now to actually get around to taking nice photos#you may remember that the last time I drew her I put a very specific pattern on her dress and This is why!#my knee currently feels like it's being chewed on by animals but that could not stop me from taking them out to the gazebo last night#over the weekend I saw some people taking prom photos or whatever there and when I was thinking of locations I thought it would be Funny#also because I left it until quite late and I needed somewhere where a building wasn't casting a shadow :/#anyway HEY it's MAY and that means HERON TIME HOPEFULLY#want to work on fic but my brain has been and continues to be Soup.#per hap I will post some other photos of alison now that I have done these ones...#have one phrase for you and it is Functional Stays With Boning In Them
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#I'm so fucking depressed I'm gonna lose my mind lmao#I need to go on a vacation or something#but I won't be able to do that til we settle things with nan in rehab#maybe I can fuck off for the weekend. I don't really have vacation money but I'm also fast losing my will to live so!#vacation is the better option I suppose#desperately need to go into the deep woods and scream at the top of my lungs#✌️😎✌️#delete later#I just need to vent before I self destruct lol#life is so fucking miserable I feel like my coping skills are losing their potency#love that I get to add unemployment malaise on top of everything else as if Everything Else wasn't enough of a fucking nightmare#don't even know WHEN I could get back to work due to caretaking stuff#god I love being a tool and not a person it's so fun and great for my mental health specifically
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depression cancelled i cleaned up a small part of my room and also my bag
#logbook#i hsd tea bags in my bag without a baggie bc im an idiot and was walking around with spilled tea in said bag for a month#i have spent all weekend in a depressive haze im so tired and sick. and this week is going to SUCK ass.#its fine everythings fine.#im debating if i want to go do laundry tonite or not. in the process i could pick up some food and things for the house up here.#and then not have to go down tmrw. . .sighs#also my plans to hang out wirh new friend were cancelled. he said he didnt make enough and had to work and was like 'oh yeah#we can hang out for an hour' and im like bro wont you need to get ready for work. like dw abt our hang out take care of yourself#and then we bonded over taking care of ourselves LOL#i think it worked out bc i ended up tsking 2 hrs to build a maybe hr max furniture and then napped for another 2 hours#i was so sick snd exhausted. this whole weekend has been like what if you are never not depressed. thanks man!#i forget how depressed i get at the end of summer going into fall everybodys so up there and im just waaaay down here#but i have managed to do some things. finally pulled myself out to bed. and ive also forced myself to eat so theres thst too.#jk also in case it wasn't obvious. depression still here
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god forbid a lil sheepy has a fun weekend
#pentadraws#general hospital#michael easton#josh swickard#heyyyyy so. i know i told myself i wasn't gonna go to anymore of these til i got a job#and i was kinda on the fence about going to this one in the first place#but then i had a REALLY good job interview on thursday#it went so well they hired me the same day :3 so this sheepy is now officially emPLOYED#and i thought id get a ticket to this weekend's event as a treat for myself#anyways. did the sketches on the train and did the watercolor part during the show#they signed my sketchbook and they even liked my animal print sketches so much they to pics of them#also yall remember the playboy bunny chase drawing i did right. well i gave JS a tiny print of it >:)#he liked it :D they both found it amusing so. mission accomplished#also some folks recognized me from the last fan event i went to and from the sprina fanzine!#sidenote i was really hoping the funny waitress w/ the deep voice would be there so i could draw her picture#but alas she wasn't working today... maybe next time#also i remember i gave my lunch to some homeless guy bc i was afraid i was allergic to it#tried a virgin bloody mary today and it was. very weird!#and i spent the train ride home playing pmd on my ds#also im gonna go see spiderverse and eat crepes for breakfast ttomorrow#all in all! pretty good way to end the week!#thanx 4 reading gn :P
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I’ll share pictures tomorrow, but I’m done with the cat I was making! Now what should I make? (I still don’t have polls lol) - Winter Soldier Bear (for one of my auction winners) - a bug of some kind - pride bee (partially for an auction winner, partially as an example for the fundraiser raffle I’m doing right now) - a small monster, chicken, or bunny (I want a replacement plushie to keep in my purse so I can give it to strangers) - another cat - that kitten pattern I talked about making - something else?
#the person behind the yarn#what to make next#turns out moving (lifting a lot of heavy boxes and carrying them up and down stairs)#at the same time my workload at work suddenly doubled#means it counts as the 'in times of stress you might need to increase your dosage of fludrocortisone'#(at least for me. I am not a medical professional do not take this as advice)#now that I've figured that out my blood pressure is consistently functional again!#but I haven't crafted much in the last week#because I did not feel well and because I registered my highest ever heartrate this last weekend#(170s! I mean I was carrying a shelf so like it wasn't as bad as it could be but still! Never had a heart rate that high before)#but now that I am mostly back to my normal level of function I really want to make something#well. I really want to make a gnorbu plushie (from neopets) but my yarn is already packed :(
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I would enjoy Xmas more if I had an okay relationship with my family but here we are
#I'm lowkey depressed it's xmas soon#If I could I'd spend it with friends but I'm 90% sure everyone I know will spend it with family#Thinking about going home to spend the holiday there is making me want to cry#I only want to go to meet my mom and old cat#How will I kill time there til I can go home? I got work til Thursday so that's one excuse#But even just the weekend feels so heavy man...#If my father wasn't present my mood would improve 40%#Do it for mom. You love her. Do it for her#miranda talking shit
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just finished rewatching Cowboy Bebop (was making my dad watch it) and honestly it felt like I was watching it with a whole different set of eyes because I wasn't watching it immediately post-hysterectomy
#TMI IN THE TAGS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED#so to elaborate#back in September 2022 I had a hysterectomy#which involved taking out my uterus my fallopian tubes and my cervix#this left me pretty much housebound for a couple weeks#nobody else was home after the first few days#my mom stayed home the first few days + that weekend she works in education but once I wasn't a fall risk I could be left alone#and my brother was in school and my dad was still working at the time#so this left me a lot of free time#and I'd been meaning to watch Cowboy Bebop for a while#im a big anime fan its one of the all time classics#so I put it on#and finished it in like. a couple days I was HOOKED I shot right through it#now. the thing about a hysterectomy is that it can impact your hormones a lot#and your sex drive#you can either have yours dip right outta existence#stay the same unchanged#or go into insane overdrive#for a few weeks#and well. mine went into insane overdrive and I was INSANELY down bad for Spike Spiegel#it was bad. it was animal#you can actually see some of it if you go through my Cowboy Bebop tag#because I had no way of doing anything about it because I literally risked tearing the stitches holding my insides together#so I suffered for WEEKS in horny-induced hyperfixation#and then I promptly got into MASH#so yeah.#anyways Cowboy Bebop is still 10/10 nice to watch while not literally blind with horniness#shoutout to you if you read these tags
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So tired of this week. And it’s only Wednesday
#tbh i was already tired on monday bc the weekend wasn't long enough to properly recover from the past two weeks#but today really sealed the deal#almost 12 hours at work yesterday because of an emergency#and while we were all glad we answered that phone call and fixed things (dog is much better today too)#it was pretty exhausting#and my second client was not only already pretty taxing in terms of personality and communication style#but also absolutely unbothered by the fact that i am in fact a graduated and licensed vet#so i spent 40mins taking an extensive history and doing an exam and explaining further diagnostics and treatment options#and finally convincing her that good antiparasitics as base protection are an absolute must for her dog's abhorrent skin problems#('BUT THE BAD CHEMICALS')#only for her to go 'well we'll have the doc take a look in a second' like???#am i a joke to you#she's not the first one and won't be the last#and we were told at uni that esp young female-passing assistants with older male bosses get that treatment#and i could probably put down my foot more in such situations#but man am i grumpy and tired today#and it doesn't help that i'm feeling like an impostor more often than not anyway#well.#my brain's like an overstimulated chihuahua today#gonna go and give it something nice to chew on before it bites someone who doesn't deserve it#rant
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hhhhhhh a train ride would fix me I think
#monster noises#if I wasn't working Every weekend this month because of some dumb schedule stuff#I would call my aunt and see if I could spend a weekend in toronto again#maybe in october.....#that would be nice I think
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